I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
