one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
