My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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