I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
do herpes really smell.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
