I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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