saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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