If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
