How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
