I just cut my nipple shaving
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
