Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
