I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
