When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
