We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
