..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
