theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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