Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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