mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
