I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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