Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
