i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
