I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
