I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
