Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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