We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
