yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
