Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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