hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
are you so shy because you have an std?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
