I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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