Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
