in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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