just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
