I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
