I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
