how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
