You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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