I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
