o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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