we have pet lesbian snakes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
