the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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