Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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