Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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