well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
