I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
