you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
