So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
