Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
