Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
