What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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