RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
