my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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