Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
