ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
