If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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