I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think people are normalizing furries
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
