I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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