So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Come see our sink grown plant.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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